Power of a Final Verdict

The other day I was labeled as “Strait-laced” by someone I have never met before. I found myself caught off guard and rather defensive. Uncertain of his precise meaning, I quickly responded that in my opinion I could not possibly be considered as “strait-laced”.

The following day I felt a similar amount of distress over this judgment so I began to search for the literal meaning. This is what I found:

1. Exaggeratedly proper

2. Excessively strict in behaviour, morality, or opinions

The thing is, if one were to judge someone based simply on their appearance, I can understand how they could come to the conclusion that they are “exaggeratedly proper”. Yet in my view, it is near to impossible to determine that someone is “excessively strict in behaviour, morality, or opinions” based solely on their physical appearance.

I will admit that I am clearly sitting in the defendant’s seat however I still can’t figure out what could possibly have led him to this conclusion. I was wearing a hot pink shirt with black polka dots, messy hair and a huge hole in my tights… exaggeratedly proper? No… excessively strict in behaviour, morality, or opinions? Maybe….

This incident opened my eyes to how often we label, categorize and pigeonhole people.

How often do you find yourself unnecessarily putting a label on someone or something without reason?

In a sense a judgment is like a final verdict; one must support their conclusion with evidence. We consequently prove to ourselves that our original thought, which then became a judgment, is now the only possible conclusion. We make ourselves right.

As a coach I regularly hear my clients judging themselves. Similar to the judgment of others, they search for evidence to make their thoughts right.

How often do you judge your actions, appearance or beliefs based on false evidence?

The problem is that sometimes we make ourselves right for the incorrect reasons. That is, we don’t want to be wrong.

When do you make yourself right to cover up being wrong?

For a moment let’s substitute judgment for compassion. Imagine a world where we all came from a place of openness, consideration and kindness rather than asserting our narrow minded beliefs and final verdicts on both ourselves and others.

Let’s try it out!

I request that you, yes YOU, challenge yourself to replace each judgment you make in the next month with a thought of compassion.