Power of 'Elbow Grease'

Last night when I was scrubbing a dirty pot after dinner I found myself enveloped by a sensation I used to know quite well.

As a child, my father consistently reminded me of the importance of ‘elbow grease’. Although many of you may realize this means scrub harder and eventually it will come off….to me it meant much more.

It meant…

“Don’t expect life to be handed to you”

“Work hard for what you want and eventually, it will be yours”

And lastly,

“A dirty pot won’t scrub itself, sometimes YOU have to be the one to do the dirty work”

At the ripe age of 7, I didn’t quite recognize all of these profound life lessons. Yet, looking back now I realize that my father ingrained a very powerful lesson in me.

ELBOW GREASE GOES A LONG WAY.

What area of your life needs a bit more elbow grease?

What impact could elbow grease have on that area?

The thing is, often we think it’s easier to just let the pot soak in warm soapy water rather than putting in the time and effort.

But then life becomes a waiting game.

Stop waiting.

Put in the elbow grease.

Power of Losing Innocence

I lost my innocence at the age of 14.

Although this may appear as an over dramatic statement, I can assure you that losing a friend to meningitis at that age was a profound experience.

It was the first day of March break, a time where people usually go off on holiday for a week in the sun, and I was given news that one of my friends at school had been diagnosed with meningitis. And what’s more, she was in a coma.

As my mother shared this shocking news with me, I could only think of her funeral. I could see it clearly. My year at BSS would stand in tears surrounding her grave. In shock at how young she was; we would morn together.

We were told that if we had been in close contact or shared a drink with her it was crucial that we take a special type antibiotic. I refused to take it. To this day, I don’t know why but something in me said, “If it’s your time, you will get sick too but you do not need to take the pills”. I listened to my gut and luckily I am still alive today.

What was interesting is that the pills got me thinking about whether I had been in close contact with her. So I kept asking myself questions. “When was the last time I saw her?”….”What did I say?”…”Where were we?”….”What were we doing?”

Suddenly it hit me that we had been in science class a few weeks earlier and being the type of person that she was, she had said something funny. I then distinctly remember going over to her, kissing her forehead and saying, “Kristen, I love you!”

This last memory is what helped me get through the next 10 days.

On day 4 of Kristen Foley’s coma I shared my concern about her death with a close friend of mine. I kept thinking, “What if she doesn’t make it? What if she dies?” With certainty and confidence my friend assured me that she would be ok, Kristen was strong and would come out of this.

I noticed a difference in myself after that, I had been given hope and now I believed Kristen would make it.

On day 7 I heard news that if Kristen were to live she would have severe brain damage, and the Kristen we all once knew would never live again. I cried myself to sleep that night thinking of how hard it would be to have her at school, in a wheelchair without the humour and life that made Kristen who she was.

On day 9 I was sitting in my kitchen talking with a friend about whether a boy liked me or not, and at that time, it was a pretty big deal. Then I received a phone call from my friend Julie who sounded like she had just seen a ghost. The conversation went something like this…

“Hey Julie, what’s up???!!”

“Ummm, hi Quinn…haven’t you heard?”

“Heard what crazy lady?”

“Kristen died.”

My heart stopped. After hanging up the phone quite abruptly I didn’t know what to do, who to look at or what to say. Kristen Laura Foley had lost her life at the age of 14.

I started thinking about the many times I passed by her locker in the morning and how I would never see her standing by it ever again. I would never see her again.

Looking back, I realize how firmly I was shocked into reality. We are mortal, we will die and unfortunately, Kristen did.

That night I went to see a movie to get my mind off of what had happened. On the walk home I realized that I had forgotten my scarf, so my friend and I went back to find it. Sadly, we left again empty handed. As we approached my house I started to freak out claiming that my mother would “kill me” because she had just bought it for me at Christmas. My friend Natalie tried to remind me that the scarf wasn’t a big deal and that my friend had just lost her life, but it wasn’t until she said, “Your innocence is lost. You will never be the same again” that I stopped in my tracks.

She was right. I forgot about the scarf and decided right then and there that I had to stop worrying about trivial things and choose to live my life to the very fullest. I had to live every day as though it were my last. Kristen had lost her life and I was lucky to be alive.

To this day, her funeral remains vivid in my memory. It was NOTHING like I thought it would be. My year from BSS was not standing around; in fact, very few people were there as it was supposed to be closed. I am not quite sure why I ended up standing in the deep snow laid upon Mount Pleasant Cemetery that day but I am thankful that I was.

As the casket lowered into the grave I watched her mothers face; her eyes squinted, her lips quivered and heavy tears rolled down her cheeks. She reached her arm out as if to touch Kristen for the very last time, but knew she just had to let go. At that moment my focus shifted, I looked over at her 4 year-old sister who would never know Kristen, who would hardly remember the light she shined on those around her.

I think about her a lot – almost everyday. Each year on the 18th of March I try to go to Mount Pleasant Cemetery where she was laid to rest. Some years I even go on her birthday to bring her flowers.

During Kristen’s life she changed a lot of people but through her death she continues to help me and many others grow.

I can only hope that somehow she knew, somehow she was aware of her impact on my life…if not then, maybe now.

Kristen, I love you.

Power of Refusal

At a BNI (Business Network International) networking event in November I was given a pin that had this powerful phrase on it.

“I refuse to participate in a recession”

Later that day, I looked around the room at a diverse group of 450 business men and women proudly wearing these pins.

It is through this “rejection” of the recession that their businesses are flourishing, and will continue to do so.

When the world says jump off the cliff, do you listen? Do you just follow in line?

OR…

Are you the type to listen to your gut/instincts?

I believe that by ‘saying no’ to a recession you can override the setbacks that everyone around you may be enduring.

It is your choice – so take responsibility for your life.

If you cannot change the conditions around you, change the way you perceive the world.

You ALWAYS have control of that.

Power-ing Forward

In 2007 I had several major loses like the loss of my father to lung cancer and the breakup of my three year relationship.

Though on a more positive note, I gained a Masters degree and loads of life experience.

Yet, somehow looking back it feels like 2007 was a year of loss.

It was during 2008 that I felt ONLY gain. I can hardly look back and see any loses at all. I believe I went from great experience to great experience. I learned a lot and truly felt satisfied.

But what's the point of looking back?

What could I possibly do with the information written above? Sit and smile? Or cry? Or ponder the meaning of gaining and losing?

I often find through coaching that people LOVE looking back, telling stories, and not to mention, they love going over the same scenario over and over again looking for what they may have missed.

In some cases it is important to look back IN ORDER to move forward...but most of the time if we looked through our eyes and not through the back of our head we would gain the momentum to carry us onward.

However, the fact remains clear-we all love to wallow in the past. So if you're going to allow yourself to do so, give it proper time.

Sit down and write. Or share with a friend.

BUT, ask these questions:

What about my past is so interesting in the present?

How can I use my past to send me forward?

What will I do differently as a result of my past experience?

At the end of the day, the simplest way to live is for the present. Enjoy now and get excited for what is to come.

The past is just that…past.

Power of Being ALIVE

A good friend of mine sent me this quote today and I really wanted to share it.

"You live like this, sheltered, in a delicate world, and you believe you are living. Then you read a book, or you take a trip, and you discover that you are not living, that you are hibernating. The symptoms of hibernating are easily detectable: first, restlessness. The second symptom (when hibernating becomes dangerous and might degenerate into death):absence of pleasure. That is all. It appears like an innocuous illness. Monotony, boredom, death. Millions live like this (or die like this) without knowing it. They work in offices. They drive a car. They picnic with their families. They raise children. And then some shock treatment takes place, a person, a book, a song, and it awakens them and saves them from death."

-Anis Nin


Are you ALIVE?

Power of Rebellion

On the tube this evening, I saw a man wearing black patent leather pointy shoes with red trimming. I just had to tell him how much I loved them, which of course, sparked a conversation about the rest of the shoes in his closet.

From the gold dinosaur skin shoes to the lilac boots to the ‘old red ones’ – he seemed to have them all. Confidently, he explained that he had been to a job interview earlier that day. As a result, he had made an effort to dress moderately appropriate, except, allowing himself the shoes as his rebellion.

They may have just been a wacky pair of shoes to some, but to me they illustrated the importance of uniqueness and rebellion.

I will never forget that man or those shoes.

He was a man who truly left footprints on my heart.